With all these damn degrees I feel that need to start teaching courses. Some of the guys I’ve been out with recently seem confused about what women respond to. Perhaps this stems from a lack of knowledge about 1) how to communicate and 2) how not to come off like a punk bitch. So I think ima offer Texting 101 and Dating 202- which are both pre-requisites to advanced Get Yo Game Up.
Required materials: Balls (grow a pair. After testes descend work on acquiring backbone).
Topics covered:
1. State your intentions, if you are interested in someone, and by interested I mean sexually interested, let them know. How you might ask…
2. Pay a real compliment.
Do not say, “You look nice tonight.” or “That’s a nice top.” Instead say, “You look sexy. I like that dress on you, it’s a great color.” “I notice you got your nails done; they look pretty.” Advanced students should aim to make non-lewd, non-creepy compliments about one’s body. (Repeat: This is an advanced move, beginners often screw this up and end up sinking the ship before it’s left the port.)
3. Make a plan and then ask for a date.
Do not say “oh. we should hang out sometime. When are you free?” Instead say, “What are you doing on Thursday at 7? I want to go to this event. Will you come with me?” Or the advanced game version, “Are you free on Saturday night? Great. I made reservations for us. I will pick you up at 8. You should wear that sexy little black dress. I like when you wear that.” If you don’t make a plan with a specific idea, date and time, you will not get anywhere. Plan in advance, have a backup idea. Be clear that you are asking for a date. Follow through.
4. Stop with the fucking idiot texts and IMs.
When you are really interested in someone, ask straight out for their phone number and then follow up with a phone call. Texts are for short, quick messages, not conversations, especially with someone you may be interested in sleeping with one day. If you want someone to know that you are feeling them-call- or be discarded to the “friend” box or “only interested in sex and not worth my time” box.
-sidebar- I went out with this guy twice over the summer. After the second time we went out (the time when he ordered one drink and two straws, and needed a lesson in male privilege at 3am on the dance floor at the reggae spot, but that’s another story) he sent this long (like 3 parts long) text message about how he asked his friend to interpret our date and was wondering if I was into him. Then in the following weeks he sent random texts asking to hang out- without a date or time- and then started sending touchy feely texts about his brother going to college and his autistic son. What? Really dude? There is no foundation for messages like this. This is NOT the way to express a sexual or even friendly interest in someone you just met and want to know better. He sent all these texts and he never once picked up the phone to ask me out on a date. Dude might have actually had a chance if he’d man up, call me, and ask me out. Or at least express his touchy feely moments on the phone. Now I just feel sorry for him because he has no game. His touchy feely texts made him come off like a punk. And while I suspect that he’s not actually like that- I’ll never know because as long as he sends random texts I will not respond positively. He really needs an intensive course in Dating 101.
5. Make physical contact.
Contact it the best, probably the only, way to see if there’s the potential for attraction beyond friendship. Hug, kiss, touch etc and pay attention to the sensation (or deadness feeling) in your NaNa region. Let this be your guide. Yeah it may seem forward to lean in for a kiss, it may seem over the top to grab a thigh, but how else are you going to figure out what’s really good? Everyone has boundaries (trust me I have more than most) but it’s on the person to let you know when they are uncomfortable or what their limits are. If after a kiss or two the person responds and green lights you- man up and make a counter move. Make something happen or risk being labeled a punk who is afraid of woman bits.
These are just a few pointers to help the wacktastic fellas out there get a clue as to why things may not be going as you expected. More detailed analysis and advanced skills will be covered in the extended course sections, but I want to leave you with a few key ideas. Confidence is sexy. Be straight forward. Sometimes you need to cut the foreplay and make a tactical move. When you see some otherwise normal guy with a beautiful, funny, smart girl- do not assume he must be rich, assume he’s put effort into attracting her, thought about what she might like and put his game on that level.
Really when it comes to game some of you think you’re playing some ill poker with crazy skills and mad strategy, and it’s more like a rousing game of canasta with your auntie or down and out solitaire.
