The new orientalism….
For whatever reason there aren’t many east Asian guys in my sphere. I’m not sure why really, but apart from some acquaintances and a few friends from college, the east Asian guys are conspicuously absent- especially on the dating tip. (it’s weird, i mean the Indians and Pakistanis are a plenty; the Chinese and Koreans-not so much). Anyways, Anthropologist type that I am, anything unknown is immediately of interest. And considering that Black women and Asian men are two least-married demographics and the broad stereotypes that exist about each group, (not to mention my fascination with the rhetoric around interracial dating) I knew I had to explore this further.
I’m sure we all know someone who exclusively dates Asian women. You may have even teased that person about catching the “Yellow Fever”. Now there are a lot of issues I could go into about exoticism of Asian women (women of color in general) but I’ll limit my focus to Asian men and the stereotypes that make them seem like unlikely dating prospects, particularly for black women: asexuality, small penises, “engrish”, C++, and an odd affinity for martial arts and rice. (With all these divisive stereotypes out there, I thought I’d throw out a potentially inclusive one, PORK aka the other white meat that might just make love bonds between Black women and Asian men. Think on it.)
But back to my point
So la few weeks ago I was browsing Meetup.com in search of pick-up soccer games and soca lovers, and came across a group for Black women and Asian men. There was just too much potential, and you know I couldn’t miss out.
So on a Saturday afternoon the group met at a bar in union sq. Surprisingly there are more men than women. I immediately hit it off with one guy who basically starts in with a dis about how his Android is better than my iphone. I ask what he does for a living and he explains that he’s in finance and was laid off last year and has been interviewing for more finance jobs. It seems in the interviews they ask technical questions and logic puzzles along with the general interview stuff. So he says “Wanna hear some logic puzzles?” I which I respond, “Sure”.
I’m thinking… wow either this guy is a total nerd or he’s trying to test my intelligence. But aight I can get my nerd on- I mean it is Saturday afternoon and we’re at a dating event at a bar- if this isn’t the time to isolate ourselves and nerd out doing logic puzzles, when is?
After like 25 mins we get called out by the group organizer for not mingling with the others. So we try to engage the rest of the group in the logic puzzles, with limited success, except of course from the other guys two of whom are fobby computer programmers (stereotype). So this one guy comes over to talk to us more about the logic puzzles and as soon as he can’t figure one out- he starts telling the guy I’d been talking to that there’s a problem with the question. Then the pissing contest begins. These two guys basically start fighting about whether you can solve the puzzle mathematically or logically and who is more stupid for not knowing the best way. They both did that finance guy thing where they morph into assholes for like 5 minutes until someone backs down and the other emerges victorious.
After they were done measuring their dicks, I’d decided that I’d had enough and I basically make my way to the door, thank the girl who organized the event and step out. Logic Dude follows me and asks for my phone number. So I do a quick mental tally- He’s smart and cute and NOT socially inept. BUT he’s also unemployed, clearly has a temper, and about as tall as me. I decide to let him call me (he did win the pissing contest after all). I say goodbye and head to TJs to grab some groceries.
About 15 mins later logic dude texts me to ask if I’m still in the area and want to hang out. I meet him in Union Sq and we talk about going to a movie. The movie doesn’t really work out, so we just hang out and talk for a bit and he asks me if i know what he really does. Hmm something defiantly seemed amiss so I’d pretty much decided that there was something he wasn’t being upfront about with regards to his financial sector job search. But when he asked me if I knew what was up- I was like yeah, I know. He’s totally a drug dealer. He doesn’t need a job in finance because he’s probably part of some elaborate Asian drug ring that controls all of Queens.
Anyways- in the end I’m not likely to get yellow fever any time soon. Asian or not, men are men and drug dealers are drug dealers. This experience has shown me firstly, that Asian men are indeed attracted to Black women even if it’s just in the typical exoticized/ hyper-sexualized way that yields the video ho phenomenon (but I’ll save that for another post). Also, while I can be friends with the cute Indonesian drug dealer (high brow, not some common street hustler, hanging around the Queensbridge projects) I don’t think it could ever be romantic or serious. Because I’m not coming to visit your ass in Riker’s.
