You know, sometimes I tell myself, Ima broaden my horizons and not be so close-minded, give a new guy a chance. Sometimes I can sense the bitchassness in a man from the start. Sometimes I don’t pay attention. Sometimes I try to ignore it. Sometimes I am an idiot. I probably should just go with my instincts rather than trying to be all equal opportunity. Then I might not have to deal with so many socially inept punks in my path- but whatever. Here’s the deal. In the past few weeks I’ve come into contact with a few new, go-out-on-a -limb- guys. But once the ball was in their court, none of them could figure out what to do. First you dial- but then what?
Example: Chuck, a vegan chef from Ghana, works at the health food store I’ve been frequenting for like the past 4 years since it’s down the street from where I do yoga. One day he’s stocking the prepared food case and says “hello”, he’s seen me in here yadda yadda. I explain that I do yoga down the street he asks me for my card and asks if I’m a yoga teacher. I give him my card and say that I’m not a yoga teacher but that I work uptown. That’s pretty much the whole conversation- much like ones I’ve had with the other guys who work in that store. (including the really attractive rastaman who won’t give me the time of day)
Then it happens. Chuck V(egan) starts calling me at work- every day. Always with the same conversation….
Hello this is Charles. How are you today?
-I’m fine.
That’s good. You seem busy.
-Well I’m at work. (awkward silence)
Yes. well I was just calling to say hello.
-OK.
Ok bye.
Next day, same shit, almost verbatim. Total deja vu. I’m like really dude? How many phone calls does it take to ask someone out? Cut the crap, just ask. Pull the trigger. Don’t just suggest that maybe we do something sometime, but actually pick a day and a time and an activity and ask me to join you. Man up, and reserve some of my time.
My friends basically told me to get rid of this guy and his daily phone calls by telling him I was a lesbian or that I had a boyfriend. Actually one friend said that he probably thought we were dating. He calls, I answer- we date. Really? (insert silly African stereotype here). But do I really have to concoct some lie? Why doesn’t he just make a move? Make an effort to gain my interest if not my affection? Yeah, everyone gets nervous, and I can be intimidating sometimes- but really dude is like 35- make something happen already.
You see Chuck V, if you can’t even get your game up enough to ask me out, you’ll probably never try to kiss me, and nothing will ever go anywhere because I’m not interested enough in you to start pulling out stops- like I would if I thought you were actually fly. The next time you try to holla at someone in the Westerly Market- sit down, come up with a game plan and then dial.
